My husband so sweetly told me this week that he was proud of me and that I was brave and strong. I so want to be brave and strong but the truth is I mostly just feel weak and frightened.
Cancer is a disease that dogs you. It just nips at your heals, threatens your peace and has a nasty habit of camouflaging itself for long seasons and suddenly reappearing in new locations with new vengeance. Even when you are cancer free, it whispers around the corners of your ears and reminds you that you are weak.
I have a six-year season of victory – and it has been pretty amazing. God healed me so completely and so miraculously that I have found myself in awe of His goodness. However, the truth is I must be vigilant all the remaining days of my life – because this disease is just like our enemy, Satan. it is ruthless, persistent and mean-spirited. It is directly from the pit of hell and it works to steal, kill and destroy everything that I value.
So how do I begin from here? How do I go from healed to ill to well again? How do I become a strong, brave girl?
I’m learning that when God told Joshua to take courage (nine times in the first chapter of Joshua alone) it wasn’t because Joshua was a big chicken who needed to be coerced into obeying. It was because true courage requires obedience in the face of great fear. It was and is a fearsome thing to trust our God enough to simply obey.
And about strength. No one ever told me that you can be completely, totally unable to do one thing for yourself or others – and yet in that moment – find there is still some thin strand of strength that just won’t let go. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” I think this time around I am going to be quicker to confess my weakness, less worried about being so strong, and more focused on Christ’s power resting in me.
I am going to need some help. I need the support of friends and family who will cheer my family on in this most recent adversity. Part of what can make us all brave and strong is the expression of love and support for one another.
If you’ve brave enough or interested enough, please follow along with me. And consider doing more than that. Leave me a note of encouragement. I promise to read every one of them. And then go ahead and be a brave, strong girl (or guy) yourself. Face your adversity with a little sass and a lot of joy. Together, we can overcome and somehow weak and frightened will become brave and strong.
Love,
Jan
Jan, I am embarrassed to say that I am one of those people who when faced with a situation where I don’t know what to say, I say nothing. So, please forgive my silence. It does not mean that I do not think of you and pray for you daily! I am so sorry you and your family are facing this again. I am standing and fighting alongside you!!
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Love you.
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Praying for you sister 🙂 You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
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Jan… You saw something special in me that I needed time to discover. You encouraged me to dive in to leadership and to use my voice via writing to spread the amazing truth of God through my eyes and testimony. I don’t think I would have ever been published anywhere if it were not for you, and I am truly grateful. I went through such a long wilderness season, but I will never forget that day in WILD when you looked at me and said God was giving me a new name. You told me I was was now shameless and had for the first time realized true forgiveness. I have never forgotten that word and have often claimed and spoken “Shameless” over me when the enemy comes to lie to me in situations. I stand with you in victory and war for you in prayer! I believe the names your husband spoke over you! You are brave and courageous. I have faith in what Jesus appropriated on the cross for us. Father God, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I proclaim the blessings of Abraham to overtake Jan body, spirit and soul that she may be blessed with peace, comfort and joy beyond measure and be completely healed in Jesus name! Big hugs!
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Thanks Kim for your love and support. I am so glad to be reminded of that day in Wild. You truly are an inspiration of grace to so many. Big hugs right back to you.
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Hi Kim, I haven’t seen you in awhile but I think of you often and enjoy watching your posts on Facebook. Your daughter is growing strong and beautiful. I want to say thanks for being so kind to me. I am so grateful God would allow me to speak a timely word of encouragement into your life – but we all know – it’s you doing the hard work of obedience. I am so proud of you and you are indeed “shameless.” Big hugs back to you.
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Jan,
You are a beautiful woman inside and out! May God guide the doctors and yourself as you battle this awful disease. I pray a miraculous peace for you and your family. God has already conquered this struggle! We will begin to praise him for your healing!!
Love to you and your family!!
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Love you Shannon – your whole family. I am proud to be related.
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You make me proud to be a part of our family. Love you lots.
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Sweet Jan,
I think your husband was right. You ARE brave and strong. In my experience, brave and strong rarely feels the way we imagine it will. It usually feels, to me at least, like weak and frightened. But I’ve seen you in action, and your ability to lead women is a gift. You ARE brave and strong. Even when it doesn’t feel that way.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.”
― Franklin D. Roosevelt
So fight on, friend. I’m praying for you and cheering you on!
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Love this quote too – watch for it again!
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I added your quote to my sidebar – check it out! Thanks.
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You have been on my heart all day. From the moment I read your post this morning until now as I see this one, every single time I thought of you my heart was all over the road. I can relate to the facing obedience through fear, though my fear nor obedience looks like yours does today. You are brave and strong because Christ within you is the substance both of those are made of. I am so thankful you are sharing your heart with all of us. It is a reminder that each day we have no idea what the road will bring. It may look like a quiet day that turns to high winds and raging storms or maybe that storm we thought would never pass starts to calm as the clouds part to let the first rays of light reach our face. Either way, our God holds each day. I know the Lord prepared you in advance for this battle. I know He started sending provision spiritual, emotional, and relational even before this last round of tests. THIS IS NOT LIKE IT WAS BEFORE. You are not the same person as you were before you tasted the sweetness of the Lord’s blessing in the Land of the living! You will start from a place of resting in the bravest and strongest arms. Yes you know what it was like then but this time you have the enemy’s play book. For some reason I am reminded of a Brady Bunch episode, I only recalled it was about a football playbook being stolen. So I did a quick search and spent the last 20 min. watching it online. I don’t know why it came to mind, maybe just for the laugh of watching it again. I do know that the enemy thinks he has the plays that will be called because he watched a few practices from the parking lot. When it’s game time, he will be benched and watch as you and the crowd roar with the victory Jesus has won. I love you friend! Now go watch the Brady Bunch and have a laugh at the expense of the late 60’s/early 70’s! http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi1543613721?ref_=tt_pv_vi_aiv_1
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Hi beautiful friend – I can’t wait to watch this – I remember the playbook issue. God is speaking to me over and over through the whole football, square up illustration. It’s like he’s showing me a personal battle plan – and you are showing me the enemy’s playbook. It makes me giggle. I can’t wait to see. I agree – this is not like it was before. Yes and amen.
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Praying for you and your family Jan; for healing, for peace and for strength.
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I LOVE you and I HATE this news. I will pray, sing, dance, confess God’s goodness, and thank Him daily for your healing.
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Thank you. Love you.
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Oh Jan, I love you more than words can say. You exude strength and courage. I read a quote recently that said courage and cowardice are both contagious. You make others brave simply by being courageous. As John wayne says “courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway”. I love you and am praying for you!
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I love this quote – I’m going to have to use it!! And I love you.
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Jan…I am using all the authority and power that has been placed in me to pray for you (remember the Spirit of God told you to tell me I have it!) …I am telling the devil to step back – you are a daughter of the Most High King and off limits to him.
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Of course I remember your authority. Thank you for using it on my behalf. Go ahead and rend the heavens!
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🙏🙏❤️ you are a glorious example of both strength found in God and weakness held up by God! Your openess and vulnerability is inspiring!!! You keep going forward, no one has tomorrow guaranteed, keep being the fabulous you! Rock on!!!! ❤️ 🙏🙏🙏
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Love you Janet.
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Love you, Jan! You ARE brave and strong!! I am cheering for you and praying, too!!
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Love you right back.
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I am devastated in hearing this news! I also choose to fight with you and for you! Reaffirming my love for you precious one!
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I am so sorry you get to do this again, but I do know God is with you and will not forsake you. Will be praying for you and your sweet family and Mom. Thinking positive thoughts with you! You are one of the most positive people I know. Sharon
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Thanks Sharon. You are so sweet. I will tell mom you sent me a note.
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Jan,
I met you at Pink Impact this year. I’m friends with Kathy Easley and we came forward to ask you to pray with me and over me. I had been diagnosed with Breast cancer in March and was struggling with it both emotionally and spiritually. During your prayer that night, God gave me such a sense of peace and understanding. I am now in remission by Gods grace after only 3 months of chemo. I have been told numerous times that my case is “unique”. I answer them with “that’s because I have an awesome God who is in charge. ”
He is in charge of your situation as well. And what satan fails to realize is that when he tries to stop us it only allows us to Be still and basque in the wonderful grace of our Heavenly Father. He is in control and will never fail us.
You are brave and you are strong. And those moments when you are not “feeling” it just lay back in the arms of our Father. He is always there for us. To give us strength.
This is a difficult walk. And my heart goes out to you and your family for being thrown into this battle again. But as it says in Ephesians 6:10-12 “finally, be strong in The Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devils schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. “. You will win this battle because you are a child of the almighty God.
I will be praying for you and your family.
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Hi Jami – I remember you. I am thrilled to hear of your cure. Praise Jesus! What a privilege to pray with you and to watch God delivery you from all infirmity. Congratulations and thank you for the prayer support.
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Jan,
My heart is sad that you have to battle cancer again. I pray for strength and endurance for you and your beautiful family. You are an overcomer and have inspired so many!
The first scripture that came to me as I read your blog was spoken over me in 2005 as I went through 3 surgeries for cancer in 5 months: “the battle belongs o the Lord”. Yes we are to suit up – square up – be ready on defense – and worship with every ounce of energy that we have!
1 Sam 14:45 David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. 47 All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”
I will be praying for you in this battle.
Beth
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I adore this passage. There is something here for me… Thanks.
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Precious Jan,
I struggle with words to comfort such a strong and true friend of God. My heart aches for my friend. I felt the wind knocked out of me at this news; but….God said “Get up”…and called me to STAND up! To fight in prayer for you! To stand in full armor, sure footed in a place of victory. I stand against this enemy BUT even more so I stand for every purpose and plan that He is faithful to complete through you…His Strong, Brave Girl!! I love you, Kathy
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Get up – stand up. That’s good stuff. Thank you friend.
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Praying for you and your family, sweet friend. And as I’m praying, I’m hearing ,”I’ve got Jan right here.” And His hand is over His heart. He’s got you, Jan, very close to Him. Love you.
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I receive that. xoxo
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Jan I am so sorry you are having to go through this again. You know you have an army of warriors standing in the gap for you on the good days and bad days alike! You are so loved & treasured my friend! It is a privilege that you allow us to journey with you. I pray for complete healing in Jesus name & that you receive a double portion of all that you have given so freely. Love, Pauline
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I love you friend. Thanks for that prayer.
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Jan,
I happened upon this posting not knowing what you are currently walking through,this letter is a wonderful testimony of how brave you are and how much strength resides in you. Strength and courage are stored up inside you, all that you will need is available because of the great deposits of the word you have been faithful to feed on! You are strong even in your weakest moments because your trust is in the one who has saved you! Bravery is knowing when to lean on Gods strength and let Him lead you through unseen places. You are brave. He is strong in you. Our faith stands with you as you conquer this!
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I love you Jerri. Thanks for the encouragement. I love your definition of bravery.
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I couldn’t have said it better myself, Jerri! Jan, you are a treasured lighthouse. A beacon that houses the light stored inside you. Keep pulling that fuel, the Word, that is stored up in you. You have more in there than you realize! We will be praying for the Lord to refresh you and your continued healing. Much love to you! -Kristen
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You, my friend, are brave and strong! I am praying for you and your family. The enemy is defeated and God is the victor!
I love you,
Jennifer
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I love you.
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Jan,
We will certainly love, support, and pray for you. You are one of our favorite Gateway gals and my girls (14 and 18) are regularly inspired by you. Thank you for standing up to the enemy instead of rolling over and quitting. We will stand with you.
Kisha, Breanna, and Alana
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I’m so surprised your girls would know me…makes me feel so special. Thank you.
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Hi Jan… This didn’t take God by surprise, you may not know what to do, but He does. The same God that healed you before will heal you again. We love you and are praying for you and Mark and your family. Sending you lots of love from South Africa…..Terri & Ron
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How awesome that God has made a way for friends around the world to come together. We love you guys so much. I agree – He will heal me again. Wish we could hug your necks.
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I am so proud of you for being so brave and strong. I HATE that you’re having to go through this again, but we are here for you and are praying for you. We’ll be brave and strong with you.
Much love- Stacy & Travis
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Thank you Stacy. I am so blessed and I feel your support. You are a good friend.
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